Question marks?

One of those random times where night and day have the same colour, weekends merge into weekdays silently, where nothing is happenning and you're still bottling up, no one is around and yet you hate hate the company... yea its definitely one of those times.

As we keep working and hoping to exist, do we lie to ourselves about our importance in the bigger plan of things or as the years roll on, creating a dough of many emoticons and emotions, we forget... i dont knw wht we forget though. I am trying 2 remember that.

I am in my self-imposed sabbatical from reality and people. I have no idea when and where will it end. Its not depression cause I am still with people and in reality and participating but its like an ingredient in me is missing and i dont knw what is that. Its like I am jogging, I am running the track, the absense of the sensitivity and consciouness which helps me reach the end but i have no cause or reason. Everything is in extreme, and yet paradoxically nothing really affects and one cant see the effects either. U see a flicker on the wall and u expect the rain to fall. Doesnt make sense? neither does this state. That is the point.

The reason why i wanted to take this 'break' is to search and be with myself. We escape things... some claim to love working but if one takes away the joy of creativity and need to earn wld we still work? Is it a lie that we love my work? life? friends? family? ourself? In isolation and with free choice would we still choose what we have now? Is it that we actually don't love what we say or the definition of 'love' is all twisted? Can love be self-sustaining, independant of factors, self motivating? is the fact that i use these words to define the word a problem itself or the fact that i am trying to define it? So many questions ... i need to make a jigsaw puzzle of it and try fitting all the pieces together.

All my questions do not lead to finding who I am. Finding oneself is of no true consequence. You might find the gate and yet have no hope. Find the root and yet not be able to flower. We are the answer to a question. But what is that question? Is there a patent answer to all questions or every question has the same answer? I am a solutions to which problem.. my existence is needed to fulfill what purpose?

Still questioning...

writing again!!!

whew!!!! its been a while....  in fact its 2009 and i can write in rhymes!! 

After a looooong time and much slogging i have finally reached the place where i left some months ago.... im being wht i am the best at: Vella!!!

brief heads-up: 

since i last wrote: I have designed 2books... have made murakami my personal guide... have ended my personal non-action drought period... survived recession without losing my job... met my little niece tarika for the 1st time (she looks just like me) ... visited kerala and Taj ernakulam ... wore a setu mundu (2 piece sari) and  quit smoking (yes i have!) and have alternate professional options in kathakali and Mural painting ...  (not bad eh!) 

on the other end... im still shoot pid... still single... still happy... still wanting to do my masters... can still do more shots than most guys and still reading fantasy.... 

as they say in Reader's digest: All in a year's work!

I have so much to tell and so much 2 write.... so im going 2 clock in regularly and write in all down :D

So, I am back at my office and im sooooo happy.... ystrdy, the pals i spoke after attaining freedom from India Mart thght I should audition for 'Loony Tunes'.  But it takes a bad experience for one 2 appreciate wht we have...  in my case I appreciate Jha ji and Damordar Ji who get me my cup of timely tea 2my work station ... my saviours!:D 

as you can read, due to lack of tea , i ended up writing "I Simply Am"  voicing the delirious me, who had'nt had anything 2 eat the entire day courtesy India Mart (The 'wht piss me off' list is unending wrt this company!) I'm so happy to be out of there that I have decided to be completely non-productive today, so I am in a PINK t-shirt which no one on earth can take seriously, have my legs up on my chair and am happily blogging away and best of all its FRIDAY! yea! :D... 

So what should i address today? hmmmm..... lets see... I will write a list so that all of ya readers (:P) can see how loony I can get:

 

(me-thinking=hahahaha!!!) (i'm just happy so bear with me)

1. Animax VS Cartoon Network

2. A one-night stand is not wrong

3. Would you fight in World War III? 

4. Emotional fatigue 

5. Zeus VS Shiva

6. The position of Indian Goddesses in Male Chauvinistic Indian Mythology

7. Alternate professions for me: 

    a. Chimney sweeper

    b. Dramaturg

    c.  Embalmer

    d. Elevator Installer

    e. The person who pushes the button to launch a missile.

    f. Rat-catcher

    g. Slaughterer

    h. Toy maker

    i. Ink Maker

    h. Santa-clause's sleigh maker

Now i dont wanna think anymore, so i shall continue on this again... going 2 sleep and zone out for a while... 

    

Sandman

I am publishing some excerpts from Sandman, by Neil Gaiman

Chloe: When I dream, sometimes I remember how to fly. You just lift one leg, then you lift the other leg, and you're not standing on anything, and you can fly. And then when I wake up I can't remember how to do it any more.
Sandman: So?
Chloe: So what I want to know is, when I'm asleep, do I really remember how to fly? And forget how when I wake up? Or am I just dreaming I can fly?
Sandman: When you dream, sometimes you remember. When you wake, you always forget.
Chloe: But that's not fair...
Sandman: No.

DELIRIUM: What's the name of the word for the precise moment when you realize that you've actually forgotten how it felt to make love to somebody you really liked a long time ago?
MORPHEUS: There isn't one.
DELIRIUM: Is there a word for forgetting the name of someone when you want to introduce them to someone else at the same time you realize you've forgotten the name of the person you're introducing them to as well?
MORPEUS: No.

DELIRIUM: That person. Farrell-mond. What was he?
MORPHEUS: He used to be a God. When we last met, in Babylon, his sacrifices were dwindling, and many of his shrines had already been abandoned. I merely suggested that he find himself another occupation.
DELIRIUM: Oh. I didn't know you could stop being a god.
MORPHEUS: You can stop being anything.

Destruction: Times are changing, my brother... And this is what the invisible college has become. Have you been here before?
Sandman: I do not believe so.
Destruction: They are using reason as a tool. Reason. It is no more reliable a tool than instinct, myth or dream. But it has the potential to be far more dangerous, for them. They are exploring and creating, defining and dissecting...
Sandman: This is why you wished to speak to me? To show me that they are cutting up apes? That is nothing new. Do they think that they can impale the soul of it on their knives? That if they cut deep enough, they can extract its dreams, naked and writhing and screaming, from its head? Reason is a flawed tool at best, my brother.

ISHTAR: I know how gods begin, Roger. We start as dreams. Then we walk out of dreams into the land. We are worshipped and loved, and take power to ourselves. And the one day there's no one left to worship us. And in the end, each little god and goddess takes its last journey back into dreams... and what comes after, not even we know.

DESTRUCTION: I like the stars. It's the illusion of permanence, I think. I mean, they're always flaring up and caving in and going out. But from here, I can pretend. I can pretend that things last. I can pretend that lives last longer than moments. Gods come, and gods go. Mortals flicker and flash and fade. Worlds don't last; and stars and galaxies are transient, fleeting things that twinkle like fireflies and vanish into cold and dust.
But I can pretend.

I Simply Am

hmmmm.. so its another mundane day at fucking India Mart for me.. where i have been living this whole week leading to much tiredness, bossiness, crankiness and not giving anyone an inch and have self labeled myself a 'Harridan' consequently. BUT, i decided to write something else that this stupid company and my job.. both of which will lead me to an early grave yet... so i plugged in to music, decided to get off the back of all the chauvinistic and incompetent men rand me and take a deeeep breath...

Topic: I Simply Am

Its the simple which carry the most of the deep thoughts and emotions. Whatever we feel truly is the easiest to translate. I find language and words insufficient when all I wants to say is in C-Minor. I am not much of a talker in the sense of words and language. Me and my friends keep inventing our own language to overcome this. Though I am not a gifted singer, I can carry a tune and true. Make me sing a song which i love and i will express deeply, give it all that i have and if your a keen listener you will know what my language. It always has been that simple for me.

It seems that people around are so busy discovering who they are through outside mediums. I don't know much about these mediums and shall not comment on them. I am lost and meandering through life. I will not be remembered for anything after death. I live my years in mediocrity and in the acceptance that I don't know what i was born to do. I live life as many others do. Maybe I am an ant in this life wrt the universe. I haven't done anything spectacular or Nobel winning. Can I try denying? I need to find a reason for going on. Oh! So many questions and not one answers that fit.
I do ask one question myself “Why do we needs so many answers?”

The greatest thing one can discover is themselves. All that we can be, we already have been. All the knowledge that we seek is within us. But sometimes not knowing it all, makes life bearable.

It surprises me me, this need and external validation of self. It it that tough to be honest with ourselves? We have faith in questionable gods but not ourselves? What if I am doing exactly what i was suppose to do? Should I keep thinking, chewing and muttering about all the questions and probable answers can I simply accept that I am?

Simplicity is beautiful. I am one person. I am a speck. I am definition. I live and hope. I have limitation yet limitless. An aspect can represent the All. I am dream and reality, destiny and freedom, delirium and rationality, desire and misery, death and birth. The endless. I am the bearer of these personification, truly I am endless and does time matter anymore? Even Gods are not eternal, they need adulation and devotion to exist, doesn't matter whether they get that in a brothel or temple. They fade in and out but not endless. As Neil Gaiman writes, 'We are patterns, repeating themselves'.

We live what everybody gets. No more, No less. We live a lifetime.

The Power of the Moons

sigh! I was in absence of a subject to write. I thought maybe i should write about the same ol' topic, much discussed, much debated, much sought after i.e mush and relationship.

But, I think people and especially me have ODd on it. Thankfully while cutting a mango at this hour (new fetish) gave me some inspiration (see the mango with new eyes) and so, here i go again.

New topic: The Power of the Moons

One of the biggest turn-on for men have been women and their moons (I'm trying to be subtle). Men have always been fixated on the moons, no but(t) or bu(s)ts about it. We know that. As we know this, so do the men and they still are helpless against it. All we have to do is get the right gear, fit in it.. cast the illusion and make men delusional... bend over or stretch her arms or accidentally brush across the arm and ba-ba-boom, ba-ba-bang!

Women have always known the power of cleavage and we have honed our skills and weapons to caste the net, give a peek and reel the fish with great finesse. Small firms could be run on the amount women spend on buying asset enhancing products. We are spoilt for choice and the mrp is just an incidental aspect. Men also have their assets, but how many companies try encasing them in silk, satin, lace? [Though lately, some companies are trying to come out with 'Manties'. I am not kidding! manties are men undergarments with fancy trimmings, materials customized to accommodate (graphic images in my head are making me cringe). Obviously, men were feeling neglected. But, I sincerely doubt its success.]


Despite the fact that the moons have existed since the time of iconic Adam and Eve, their appeal and power hasn't diminished. Its is always fascinating to see amount of hoo-haa men have about cleavage. Some are happy just getting a peak of the strap while others long for that voyeristic glimpse of a fantasy.. the descriptions and ecstasy of some male pals on seeeing a pair of good rack or back wld make a woman feel like Scarlett Johannson (but she will pretend 2 be insulted, of course).

Men are capable of holding a complete conversation with the twins. We should feel flattered that they are not treated as inanimate subjects and subjected to such devout attention. I'm amazed the moons haven't learnt the art 2 blush yet independent of us! In fact, its really special when my moons are given road directions.. obviously i haven't tapped their potential yet.

Now, I know as women, we are suppose 2 feel demeaned by their marked preferences and references to our body parts. Of course, we feel threatened. We are being treated as objects and not as a person. Dear god! we are more than just a pair of T&A. BUT I don't think that is the case. Its not that men don't think women have brains. In fact, im pretty sure it doesnt matter to them anyways. Brains have nothing to do in this case. What they really do is respect our assets. They know we have it. The problem is that they think (which they really should'nt try with all the distractions) that the asset is independant of the face and address them directly. But really they are quite indiscriminating about their adoration. They worship one and all types. Give them that much credit!

If we are brutally honest, can women deny the privileges of these assets? Any smart woman will tell u the advantage of being well endowed. As I have said before, we women have perfected the art of peek-a-boo... and guess what is the most critical ingredient for it? Sure men enjoy the voyeuristic delight but if we account the number of excused challans, bills..... guess who has the advantage? All men try to do is demystify this enigmatic and provocative inner sanctum of women and they pay heavily for it. I'm am not saying that women should flutter their eyelashes at every sadaak-chaap who whistles at her.. in fact all she has to do is look at him sweetly and say "bhaiyaaaaa ji!" But women should not deny that they like being looked at. We revel in it and bask in the adulation. That is how women keep warm in mini-skirt in the middle of December. We dress for our pleasure but also reflective pleasure. In real its all a game... a mating game where women rule! Romeos and Juliet's of the animal kingdom...from ants to zebras... preen and strut their stuff. And guess who leads the kingdom?

Laugh forever!

O!- Hwai dungsyi - you bad little thing-said the woman, teasing her baby granddaughter. "Is Buddha teaching you to laugh for no reason?"
As the baby continued to gurgle, the woman felt a deep wish stirring in her heart.
"Even if I could live forever," she said to the baby, "I still don't know which way I would teach you. I was once free and innocent. I too laughed for no reason."
"But later I threw away my foolish innocence to protect myself. And then i taught my daughter, your mother, to shed her innocence so she would not be hurt as well."
"Little one, was this kind of thinking wrong? If I now recognize evil in other people, is it not because I have now become evil too? If I see someone has a suspicious nose, have I not smelled the same bad things."
The baby laughed, listening to her grandmother's laments.
"O! O! You say you are laughing because you have already lived forever, over and over again? You say you are Syi Wang Mu, Queen Mother of the Western Skies, now come back to give me the answer! Good, good, I am listening....
"Thank you, Little Queen. Then you must teach my daughter this same lesson. How to lose your innocence but not your hope. How to laugh forever." - The Joy Club.